Don't take our humorous diet tips too seriously, they're just for fun!
Success is when you can look beyond food...and look down and see your feet.
* To make your hips and thighs look slim on the beach, dig two tunnels under your thighs and make a small dent in the sand for your bottom. Place your towel over the top and sit in the dug out area. Hey presto, no bulging thighs and hips.
* Always stand 3/4 on for photographs ..... really slimming
* Stand next to a person fatter than you whenever possible and never ever befriend a real skinny!!!
* Always eat in private, if people never see you eat, they'll believe you when you say you have a thyroid problem
* If you have a problem with eating too much in the evenings, go to bed at 7.30 pm every night and ask your partner to hand cuff you to the bed, you never know, you may solve two problems in one, by spicing up your sex life at the same time
* If you do know someone who's naturally skinny, have them come and live with you for two weeks and eat exactly what they eat at exactly the same times. You are guaranteed to lose weight!
* Con your friends into thinking how good you're looking lately ..... study and memorize your most flattering pose in a mirror and ensure when anyone sees you, you strike the pose..... note, this only works if you then don't move again until they've left the room.
* Cross your legs at your ankles. Your thighs and calves will look slimmer.
* Get a tan. A tan helps you look thinner
* Whenever a friend calls round, tell them you're on your way to the gym, word will get round about how fit and healthy you are.... and you may feel it necessary to prove it once in a while
* 100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!
Now can it get any easier than that?